Cannes Closure: Red Carpet Recap

Published May 25, 2014 by The Feminist

Yes, this is yet another Cannes post, but don’t worry,  it is the final one.

After eleven days of glitz and glamour at the Côte d’Azur, it is time to roll up the red carpet and look back on a fabulous edition of the Cannes Film Festival. Top honors went to Winter Sleep by Turkish director Nuri Bilge Ceylan, but I myself would like to take this opportunity to hand out my very own fashion Palm D’Ors to those celebrities who really took glamour to a whole other level.

YES THEY CANNES:

Sonam Kapoor

cannes sonam

cannes sonam back

If I had the money to buy a dress like that, I would wear it every single day. Like, non-stop. It would make ordinary stuff – e.g.  buying tampons at the drug store- much more glamorous. Seriously. This Elie Saab gown is making my fashion-beating heart go into overdrive.

Lara Stone

cannes lara

I hereby give my body (in particular, my brain) to science, because surely there must be some biological explanation why I always fall for hot pink dresses. (I probably have some sort of gene mutation that makes me particularly susceptible to all rosy things) Whatever it is, Lara Stone’s dress is gorgeous!

Jessica Chastain

cannes jessica

Descended from Mount Olympus, I present to you: Jessica Chastain! I’m so glad she dedicated some of her time to mingle with us mortals so we could get a glimpse of her sheer flawlessness…

Freida Pinto

cannes freida

"The Homesman" Premiere - The 67th Annual Cannes Film Festival

I think the word you’re looking for is KA-POW! This Oscar de la Renta dress breathes drama and stylish bombasticism (And I mean that in a good way)

Léa Seydoux

cannes lea good

This luxurious emerald green Prada dress is simply exquisite. (Also, I find it utterly disorienting how much sex appeal Léa can exude just be staring into the camera. )

Uma Thurman

cannes uma

In true Kill Bill style (and Kill Bill yellow), Uma took out the competition with this stunning, flowy gown.

Marion Cotillard

cannes marion full

cannes marion

This short and funky Maison Margiella dress is made out of hundreds of small objects that the designers picked up on flea markets in Paris and Brussels, and it allegedly took the team 67 hours to sew everything on the dress. One word: RESPECT!

Unfortunately, there were also pretty disastrous dresses at the red carpet…

NO THEY CANNED

Irina Shayk

cannes irina

cannes irina back

I’m all for using bright colours and bold silhouettes but this sh** is just too crazy, even for me. And when I say crazy, I do mean CA-razy! That hideous electric-mustard colour (I didn’t even know such a colour existed!), that failed Madonna-eighties-revival pointed bra (why do some still think that is stylish?) and don’t get me started on the wannabe “Can’t get you out of my head” Kylie look.

On the upside: at least from the back the hood in combination with the bare back looks stunning (that is if you are able to trigger acute colourblindness)

Frederique Bel

cannes frederique

If they ever were to turn Game of Thrones into a nineties inspired porn film, she would be in it. And I do not mean that as a compliment.

Eva Longoria

"Foxcatcher" Premiere - The 67th Annual Cannes Film Festival

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one. First of all, the colour. It looks like a 1940s granny pantyhose. Secondly, the shape. It’s like an oversized thermal underwear kinda thingy. Thirdly, the turtleneck. Yikes! And finally, the peek-a-boo breast slit. Sure, a little bit of skin is sexy but the way the fabric is just all ruffled together in the corner with some sort of silver pin(??) more resembles “DIY diaper” than “femme fatale”.

Jullianne Moore

cannes julianne

Let’s start with something positive: I love the leather burgundy red top. Now on to the negative: everything else.

Sharon Stone

cannes sharon

Dear Sharon, this is a red carpet event, not a gathering for Harley Davidson enthusiasts. That dress is too short, too sleazy and shoelaces should never ever serve as a trashy form of breast imprisonment. Oh yeah, and lose the aviators.

 

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7 comments on “Cannes Closure: Red Carpet Recap

  • I always now that when I visit your blog some colour and glamour is about to enter my living room. Love the pics you shared – I have a few favorites (and a few “what was she thinking :-> )

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