…because it’s ugly… It’s awful… it’s unflattering… and it just looks really ridiculous and goofy.
In short: Onesies should never be worn outdoors. And yet, that is exactly what many people ended up doing in 2013. What happened to the world?
Since when did it become acceptable to wear baby pajamas in public? You’re adults! You should not be wearing long-legged, baggy animal costumes with fleece lining and zippers reaching from the neck to somewhere far below what is morally justifiable. You really shouldn’t.
To make things even worse, celebrities are contributing substantially to this
trend deplorably universal frying of all stylish brain cells. Justin Bieber, One Direction, Cara Delevingne, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Brad Pitt,…Everyone wears them outdoors. In public. For everyone to see. As if it is the most normal thing on the planet.
Let me tell you something, dear celebrities and all the others who are suffering from an episode of acute stylophobia: It is not normal. People should not be wearing onesies to go shopping. They should not be wearing onesies to go for a walk. And they should definitely not be wear onesies to go to the pub. (Seriously, where is the fashion police when you need them? )
One of the arguments that is often used in defense of the onesie is that it is cozy and comfortable.
So is my granny’s 1920s floral print tent dress but you don’t see my wearing that in public, do you?
“But it’s so nice and warm!”
Ha! Do you know why you’re feeling warm while wearing a onesie? It is because everyone around you on the street is burning you down with their eyes out of shame and transferred embarrassment! That is why!
The only person who actually managed to pull off a onesie was Ed Westwick.
Although I am assuming that the reason behind my approval of his outfit is solely based on his distractingly sexy jaw line and peek-a-boo chest hair…
Now, I’m not saying you cannot wear a onesie. You simply cannot wear it outdoors. Indoors on the other hand is perfectly fine, applauded even.
Wear it when you’re sitting in front of the fire place with a good book. Or when you’re watching Titanic for the umpteenth time. Or when you’re writing a dreadfully boring paper. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, as long as you’re wearing it indoors, nothing can hurt you.
Take an example of Beyoncé and Macklemore.
That is how you rock a onesie.
Behind closed doors.
In the meantime, I’ll keep myself busy making fun of all the celebrities in onesies.
I mean, come on!